“How was school?”
“Fine.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
If you have a child at school, you may recognise the conversation. Parents naturally want to know how the new school year is going. But the bigger and more general the question, the harder it can be for a child to answer. Particularly after the first week back.
They may have experienced five days of new teachers, different classrooms, changing routines, friendships, homework, expectations and hundreds of small moments. Asking them to summarise all of that with “How was school?” is actually quite a difficult task.
As a teacher, I find specific questions much more useful. Not because parents need to interrogate their children about school. Quite the opposite. A good question can open a conversation without making the child feel that they are being assessed.
Here are six I would try.
1. What has felt easiest to settle back into?
We often begin by asking what is wrong. Try starting with what is working.
Perhaps they are pleased to see their friends again. Maybe they like their new maths teacher. They have found their way around a new school more easily than expected. Or an intimidating new timetable already feels quite normal.
Starting with something positive gives you useful information. It also avoids creating the impression that every conversation about school is an attempt to uncover a problem.
Another reason teachers pay attention to what is going well is that success gives us clues. If a learner feels confident in one subject but not another, what is different? If they are organised for one teacher but regularly forget things elsewhere, why?
Understanding what works can sometimes be more useful than simply identifying what does not.
2. Which lesson has surprised you most?
This is one of my favourite types of question because it does not assume the answer will be positive or negative.
A subject they were dreading may suddenly seem interesting.
A favourite subject may feel very different with a new teacher.
Something they thought would be easy may require more effort.
“Surprised” creates space for all of those answers. It also gives children permission to change their minds.
Students can become very attached to labels about themselves:
“I hate English.”
“I’m good at science.”
“I can't do languages.”
A new academic year can interrupt some of those assumptions. That is a good thing. Sometimes a new topic, a different explanation, or a different relationship with a teacher gives a learner fresh evidence about what they can do.
3. What was more confusing than you expected?
Notice that this is different from: “What are you struggling with?”
The word struggling can feel very big after five days. Confusion is normal. Every learner should encounter things they don’t immediately understand. That is part of learning.
The useful question is what they do next.
Did they ask?
Did the teacher explain it differently?
Did they understand it later?
Is it still unclear?
A child may say: “I understood the maths, but I couldn't work out what one of the questions wanted.”
That is very different from: “I don't understand maths.”
Or: “I know what we're doing in science, but there are loads of new words.”
Again, the detail matters.
It helps separate a temporary uncertainty from something that may need more attention. And sometimes the most revealing conversations happen when you are doing something else together - walking, driving or making dinner - rather than sitting opposite your child and asking them to explain their education.
A parent and student talk casually while walking together after school.
4. Is there anything you're worrying about that probably feels small to an adult?
Adults can be very efficient problem solvers. Sometimes too efficient.
A child says they cannot find the right classroom. We say: “Ask someone.”
They are worried about where to sit at lunchtime. We say: “Just sit with your friends.”
They are concerned they will forget their PE kit. We say: “Put it by the door.”
All perfectly reasonable solutions. But just because something has an easy solution doesn’t mean it feels small to the child experiencing it.
Beginning a new school year involves a surprising number of tiny uncertainties. Where do I go? What if I get there late? Who am I sitting beside? What happens if I've misunderstood the homework? What if everybody else knows something I don't?
Most disappear once routines settle. But being able to mention them without immediately being told that they are nothing to worry about can help.
Sometimes the useful parental response is simply: “I can understand why that's on your mind.”
Then decide together whether anything actually needs doing.
5. Who has helped you this week?
This question gives you a different view of school. The answer could be a teacher. A teaching assistant. A friend. An older pupil. A receptionist. A librarian. Someone they barely knew a week ago.
School is not just a timetable of subjects. It is also a network of relationships.
Knowing that a child has somebody they can ask for help matters. This is especially useful during transitions - starting secondary school, moving into GCSE courses, beginning sixth form, or simply joining new classes.
You may also discover that your child has helped somebody else. That tells you something too.
Children do not always recognise these moments as significant enough to mention when asked what happened at school. A more specific question makes them easier to remember.
6. What would make next week a little easier?
I prefer a little easier to “better”. We are not asking the child to redesign their education after five days.
The answer might be very practical. Pack their bag the night before. Go to bed slightly earlier. Check where Tuesday's classroom is. Ask the teacher about something they did not understand. Bring the right calculator. Write homework down more carefully. Or perhaps there is nothing. That is also a perfectly good answer.
What I like about this question is that it moves the conversation towards something manageable.
Not: “How are we going to fix this year?”
Just: “What would help next week?”
That is a much easier problem to solve.
You do not need to ask all six
In fact, I wouldn't. Six questions delivered one after another would start to feel very much like the interrogation we are trying to avoid. Choose one.
Ask it when there is space for an answer. And if the answer is “I don't know”, that is fine too. Try another day.
Some children process their school experience immediately. Others need time.
Teenagers in particular may be more willing to talk when the conversation happens alongside something else rather than when everybody sits down specifically to “talk about school”. The objective is not to extract information. It is to make it easy for useful information to emerge.
Listen before solving
This is probably the most important part. When children tell adults about a difficulty, our instinct is often to fix it. Sometimes that is exactly what they need.
But not always.
Before offering the solution, it can be worth asking: “What do you think would help?”
Their answer may surprise you. They may already have a plan. They may simply want reassurance. They may want you to help. Or they may realise while explaining the problem that it is already beginning to feel more manageable.
One week into the academic year is far too early to draw sweeping conclusions. Children are still adjusting. Teachers are still learning about their classes. Routines are still becoming routines.
But it is a useful moment to listen.
Not to ask: “Is everything going well?”
… but to understand something more interesting: What is beginning to feel normal, what still feels unfamiliar, and where might a little support make next week easier?
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